Alternative transportation advocates have taken up a new cause—hoverboard lanes on the Jamie Boswell Memorial Freeway.
“In the past 12 years, 10 people have been killed on their hoverboards crossing Boswell Highway in front of Avid Emojis alone,” BikeAthens spokesman Johnny McGiantquads told Flagpole. “We’ve been studying this issue for decades. It’s high time we made our streets safe for hoverboardists.”
The Athens-Clarke County Commission adopted a revised Complete Streets policy in 2039 that calls for hoverboard lanes whenever new solar panels are installed on local streets. However, since then, HLs have only been installed on Peter Street and Arch Street in bohemian East Athens, where hoverboards powered by renewable kale and quinoa are common. Residents of the upscale, gated Normaltown community have resisted.
“The last thing I need is to dodge a bunch of hippies on hoverboards when I’m trying to drive to Athens Regional Cybernetics,” Pine Needle Drive resident Jen Trification said during a recent town hall Skype. “I mean, I’d hate to have to get my husband up in the gun turret, but it may come to that if these idiots keep slowing me down.”
Commissioner Melinda Wink took issue with Trification’s comments. “Why don’t you just move to that bland, soulless Mars colony?” Wink told her. “SpaceX is ready when you are.”
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