originally published November 1, 2006

I have had a feeling my mom is stepping out on my dad for awhile. Sudden grooming, clothes, trips out of town, unhappy marriage comments, etc. I'm sure my dad suspects this as well. Is it my business to express my concern to both of them about the state of their marriage or should I continue pretending like I don't notice things are off?

Step On Or Step Off?

That depends on how old you are and what your relationship with your parents is like. If you feel confident that you can speak to one or both of them about it, then I don’t see why not. You could approach one of them and ask if everything is okay or whatever. I do not, however, recommend having a big “sit down” where you confront them both in hopes of forcing them to deal with the situation. For all you know, they may be dealing with it already. This may be anything from an agreement that they have to the first sign of an impending divorce. Does your mom make remarks to you about her unhappy marriage? If so, maybe she is waiting for you to ask. If you are not close to them, or if they are not prone to confiding in you with stuff about their marriage, you may want to just stay out of it.

Assume the following: Girl X is smart, witty, good lookin' and just below the threshold of intolerable silly girlishness. She's a good friend of mine, as well, but neither of us have seriously probed the issue of getting together, though I'll admit it's crossed my mind and I have reason to believe that it's crossed hers. In any case, she's seeing somebody else at the moment. Last week, at an event where X was absent, I met Girl Y, who has similar characteristics to X, but not the baggage of a pre-existing friendship (this is always a relationship-killer for me). Mentioning my desire to spend further time with Y has shut down all communication between X and myself, in what is normally a very open and chatty relationship, as far as platonic relationships between men and women go. I should mention that there is also a Girl Z, who is a close friend of both X and Y and who introduced me to Y. In keeping with word problems, she doesn't really have anything else to do with this situation.

Fearing That I May Have Not Noticed Something Readily Apparent

It is possible that you are reading too much into this? How long has it been since you talked to X? And how often did you normally talk to her? Either she is jealous, which is what it sounds like you believe, or want to believe, but don’t want to admit to thinking, or there is something else going on. If you are truly concerned about X, then talk to her about it. Maybe she knows Y and doesn’t like her? If you are interested in Y (and it sounds like you are - more than you are in X, regardless of her dating status), then go for it and never mind what X thinks. She is seeing somebody else, you two are just friends, and she has never told you directly that she wants anything else. Or maybe you think that X does like you, and she wants you to wait around for her to be single again? Maybe she likes the idea of you wanting her even if she can’t be with you, in which case, her silly girlishness is coming through in a very unattractive way, so all the more reason to go for it with Y. If X doesn’t want to be your friend anymore, then so be it, but you can’t let your friendship with her get in the way of a potential relationship.

So my neighbors don’t have any curtains, or rather, they never seem to CLOSE their curtains, ever. I don’t really know them (I know his name, not hers), we have lived next to each other for several months now, and we never speak more than a quick hello in the street in the morning. And as I said, they don’t have any curtains, and I often find myself in my room when they are IN THEIR ROOM, if you know what I mean. They also leave the windows open and I can hear them going at it. They have to know that I can hear everything. Our houses are quite close to one another, and I have two roommates, so surely they can hear what’s going on in our house sometimes? What I guess I am asking is, should I tell them that I can hear (and sometimes see) them en coitus, or should I just quietly flip the light off and leave my room until they are done? I feel like I am intruding, but I kind of like it and am way too embarrassed to say anything. If I tell them, how do I do it?

Involuntary Voyeur

I would bet that they know damn well what they are doing, and they are probably getting off on it. Since you are, too, it sounds very win-win. But just in case they don’t, you should try to be in your room when they are in their room not doing it sometime, and maybe play the radio or talk on the phone or say something to one of your roommates loudly enough that they can tell how well the sound travels. Perhaps you could even give them a wave when they turn and see you standing there? If they look mortified, play it off like nothing ever happened. If they keep going, good for you. It’s cheaper than cable, right?

When I masturbate my hand becomes numb?

Unless you’re wearing really small gloves and/ or holding your hands above your head for a prolonged period of time while you masturbate, it may be that you are developing Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. I recommend that you Google search it, see if you have the symptoms, and think about getting a wrist brace. Also, learn to use both hands, which will relieve some of the repetitive stress on your jerkin’ wrist. If that doesn’t help, go to a doctor.

Jyl Inov

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