Matters Of The Heart And Loins

originally published October 25, 2006

I lived with a friend for a few months, just trying to get on my feet. She said I didn't have to pay rent until after I got a job and that I could even eat their groceries. I paid anyways, out of kindness, and never touched their food.

Then I had to listen to her and her abusive boyfriend argue all the time, keeping me up at night while I studied for school, etc. They also kept trying to impress rules upon me, telling me that because I didn't work, I needed to clean up after them. As if I wasn't busy looking for a job and I wanted to wipe their asses for them. Then, they raised my rent for no reason. They never told me why they strayed from our agreement, but I went along, thinking maybe they were in financial trouble. I even gave them a TV and a bunch of baby gifts, never complaining once about them running up the power bill by leaving all the lights on at once, or charging me for the caller ID that I never used and didn't want.

Then, after a big fight of theirs where he trashed the house, I realized that I could never put up with a baby AND their screaming. She came home that night, screamed at me, told me to move out and accused me of sleeping with him. In actuality, I had turned off the ringer because I was doing homework after being at work all day.

She's made plenty of money off of "helping me out," so much that I had to move back in with my parents. When I moved, I notified her of all of the damages to the room, and offered to fix them. She said it was okay. She never even made me pay the deposit, which is put in place for that exact reason, so I figured it was no big deal.

Then she called me yesterday because her washing machine broke, accusing me of cutting the cord when I left, and cussing me out. Like I would ever do that to her! (But she probably would to me.) At this point, I feel like she's just trying to bleed me for money. And even if I do pay for the carpet (which realistically, is why people pay deposits, and she never made me pay it!!!), I'll never see the end of her.

After the way she spoke to me and the accusations she's made, I never want to speak to her again. And when doing the math, she comes out at least $600 ahead, not including the gifts I gave her. Not to mention that her fiancé makes $500 a week. I don't want to give her shit. And honestly, I don't feel like she deserves any more of my money or time. Especially after the way she's treated me. I guess what I'm asking is - am I just angry, or should she go to hell? And if not, what do I do about her psychotic ass?

Anonymous

Okay, let’s start at the beginning: You paid rent that you were not asked to pay, and declined eating food that was offered to you. Fine. That’s not out of kindness, it’s out of obligation, which is what you feel when you are staying in somebody else’s house. It’s called being responsible for yourself, and that’s what adults do. Congrats. The fights and abusiveness are not ideal, but you were living in their house, remember? You may recall a saying about beggars and choosers? Well, you were begging, so you couldn’t be too choosy, right? Yeah.

Now, asking you to clean up after them just because you don’t work is total bullshit, and you have every right to refuse. (I do wonder, though, how you manage to pay rent and bills without a job. Maybe I missed something?)

The TV and baby gifts were - again - your choice. They didn’t ask for them and you gave them of your own free will, and now you sound as if you think that they owe you something because of your generosity (which, by the way, is not mere generosity if you gave these things in expectation of getting something in return).

Rent being raised? Sounds like more bullshit on their end. You shouldn’t have agreed, or you should have started looking for another place immediately. Bills being run up? Caller ID you didn’t want or need? This is stuff you should have dealt with at the beginning, rather than letting it go for so long and letting your anger and frustration fester. If they were letting you crash for a while in hopes of getting you back on your feet, they could have charged you a set fee for your portion of the bills. But again, you share equal responsibility for not having a set agreement ahead of time.

The security deposit is not your problem, unless you signed some kind of lease, in which case you may be held liable for damage by the actual landlord. I hope this is not the case. These people are obviously out of their minds, and you should be happy to be out of there. The washing machine? Again, crazy. Don’t even think of paying her for it. Yes, she is obviously trying to bleed you for more money, but no, you don’t have to deal with her anymore. Just stop talking to her.

You also have to stop being pissed about it, though. The way you are “doing the math” is bullshit, because she isn’t coming out “$600 ahead” if you chose to pay rent. Seriously, you have to let it go. And what her fiancé makes is none of your damned business and not part of the argument. If you truly had nothing to do with the damage, then you owe them nothing, end of story. Now get a job, get yourself out of your parents’ house, and leave the whole thing behind you. Refuse to participate. If you don’t, you are being just as crazy as they are.

Jyl Inov

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